What Are Grits?

Discussion in 'I Smell Something Cooking!' started by nineoaks2004, Jul 22, 2018.

  1. nineoaks2004

    nineoaks2004 Every meal is a picnic and every Day is a holiday

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    Southerners will appreciate this the most but to our "transplants" from the north - you'll find it amusing.

    What Are Grits?
    Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people think grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. Research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

    How Grits are Formed:
    Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and attack dogs Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast--not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.

    Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and can leave you unable to have children.

    Historical Grits:
    As mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary discovered in the seat of an old sedan. The woman's name was Herculania Jemimana, who was known as Aunt Jemima to her friends.

    The Ten Commandments of Grits:
    I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
    II.Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
    III.Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy
    IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits
    V.Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits
    VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
    VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
    VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
    IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch .
    X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.


    How to Cook Grits:
    For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to
    soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, they are done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
    How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.


    How to Eat Grits:
    Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. Do NOT use low-fat butter.
    The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your
    grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Use biscuits made from scratch. Never, ever substitute canned or store-bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, tooth decay and impotence. Next, add salt. The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt. Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should rarely be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.

    Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
    Leftover grits are extremely rare and may only be a rumor. Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable but delicious.

    BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
    May the Lord bless these grits,
    May Yankees never get the recipe,
    May I eat grits each day while living,
    And may I die while eating grits.
    AMEN
     
  2. Raycfe

    Raycfe Waterford Ct.

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    What are grits? .............. something this Yankee stays away from.
     
  3. Rik Peery

    Rik Peery Active Member

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    Amen bro! Love 'em w/ a BIG mug of Liquid Freedom, country ham & red eye gravy, oft times w/ a splash of Tabasco...
     
  4. joet

    joet Well-Known Member

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    I would be like a ship lost at sea without my grits
     
  5. neighbormike

    neighbormike Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm maybe something new to add for a large group camping breakfast! Garlic cheddar grits... or is that sacrilege??
     
  6. Rik Peery

    Rik Peery Active Member

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    In today's world, thinking you'd be OK, but NO sugar added, that's for rice puddin'...
     
  7. generok

    generok Well-Known Member

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    Grits are just polenta before they moved to New York City.
     
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  8. neighbormike

    neighbormike Well-Known Member

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    Sugar in grits?? No thanks.
     
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  9. William Freeman

    William Freeman Active Member

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    Put your scrambled eggs, bacon and grits on the plate and mix it all up. I've never tried Tabasco on my grits (I'm a Franks guy), but eggs with a few drops on them is great (a few drops on a hard boiled egg is also great!). I'll have to try it on my (butter) grits.
     
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  10. Sneezer

    Sneezer Well-Known Member

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    I make some mean cheesy buttery garlic grits. Damn I’m hungry again!
     
  11. nineoaks2004

    nineoaks2004 Every meal is a picnic and every Day is a holiday

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    I know what you mean, the south revolves around our and gravy, they go with everything
     
  12. William Freeman

    William Freeman Active Member

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    Shrimp and grits too. I always thought that combo sounded terrible - until my wife convinced me to try them!
     
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  13. Rik Peery

    Rik Peery Active Member

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    See it on occasion down this way, out of towners passing through I guess, it'll bring a tear to your eye...
     
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  14. jmkay1

    jmkay1 2004 Fleetwood/Coleman Utah

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    i Am a transplant from New England living in Va. Didn't have good southern buttery grits until only a few months ago. When someone made it at a pot luck. I had grits made by a New Yorker once years ago, it was all white, no butter or salt. Didn't know what to add to it to make it digestible. Sugar or salt were the only thing offered. Never realized the secrete ingredient was butter.
     
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  15. landon6062

    landon6062 Active Member

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    Being a military wife.. and from the south..LOL

    IF I remember correctly.. we were not able to get GRITS for breakfast in a restaurant past Kentucky...

    We had a military friend over for breakfast "when we were in GERMANY".

    We served GRITS..

    He was from Washington state.. he "covered"" his GRITS with "sugar and milk".. like you would a bowl of cereal I suppose.. so polite of him, he didn't know what to do with them...."love that guy"....LOL

    I'm like "HUH"??? you do that to Oatmeal ,not grits...??? a lot of jokes were made over Grits that day.. lol

    OH yeah.. Neighbormike.. You can add most anything to grits..

    CHEESE, is certainly my favorite.. add ham, bacon bits, sausage, EVEN crushed tomatoes for a supper delight.. LOL..etc....and ABSOLUTELY >>>>>>>> loads of that high cholesterol butter.. LOL GRITS Without BUTTER.. HUH???

    BUT NOT "SUGAR" and MILK>>> like CEREAL. now >>>>>>>that is sacrilege...j.>>>SALT BELONGS IN GRITS.<<<<........ . LOL (just kidding of course, eat'um like you like um... : ). )
     
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  16. nineoaks2004

    nineoaks2004 Every meal is a picnic and every Day is a holiday

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    When stationed in R.I. I could not find grits, finally I found a small mom and pop grocery that did not carry them but he did order me some, I had to by them by the case but I had plenty of grits to last for awhile, best I can remember there was 24 boxes to the case, but some of the "good ole boys" from down south that also loved and missed their grits. took some off my hands.
     
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  17. soft 17

    soft 17 Active Member

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    Ive had Cream of Wheat. Didnt like it.
     
  18. neighbormike

    neighbormike Well-Known Member

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    Could never stand the stuff!
     
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  19. BelchFire

    BelchFire I speak fluent vise-grip

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    A group of college friends used to eat our b'fast together every day. One day Amanda watched me devouring my grits and asked "Are grits hard to grow?" To which I replied, "No Amanda, but it is HELL TO PICK."

    BTW, grits is singular, not plural. Grits is a dish, not a mass of individual grits.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2018
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  20. nineoaks2004

    nineoaks2004 Every meal is a picnic and every Day is a holiday

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    Me neither, mom got some once when I was a kid, she cooked it then threw it out for the dogs that stuff is only fit for the dogs and they would have to be really hungry:)
     
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