De-motivational post about camping (or lack thereof)...

Discussion in 'General Camping Discussion Forum' started by Tyreguy, Oct 23, 2012.

  1. Tyreguy

    Tyreguy Member

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    I have a question for the folks here regarding what life maybe for you- you thoughts and feelings- when you have a spouse (DW or DH) that just doesn't share the same level of interest in camping and isn't as motivated to go long or short distances to enjoy the splendors of nature in your pup.

    I struggle from time to time thinking about wanting to go camping at least once or twice a month (working around my weekend schedule) only to get shot down when I present my plans to the DW later. We've been camping once this year together, and I did one solo trip with other friends on a canoe trip. Granted we were saving funds for our anniversary trip and agreed to hold off from camping until we got back. Now were back and I can't make plans to camp- because she's not really interested. All I do is stare at the pup and dream or relish in other pup members' experiences and camp stories.

    To go a step further, I know that we will never go past state lines to camp. I have mental plans to camp in Moab, the Smokies, the Grand Canyon, a coastline...but...I'm only deluding myself. Its hard enough just trying to get her to go an hour from the house.

    As I read about other members here that camp without their spouses from time to time, how do you approach the "I'll just go by myself" operation? And does that create hostility or repercussions at home with the spouse?
    To be frank- I am annoyed by her lack of interest only because she used to own a pup before we knew each other, and she found and negotiated the deal on the one we have now!

    There are lots of "if's, and's, or but's" to this situation and I don't want to go into specific details. Just looking for any experiences with this situation and how it makes you feel when you can't camp, your spouse just ain't into it, and you might create a problem between you and your spouse if you want to camp without them.

    Any and all replies/ideas/experiences/advice/blatant trickery welcome.
     
  2. br00n0

    br00n0 New Member

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    Hi there!

    Maybe you should inquire further and determine why she doesn't have lots of interest. Maybe you could find some activity she could do while camping far from home.

    She might be interested is zoos, antiques, botanical gardens, shopping, beaches, etc. You just have to find campgrounds near points of interest for her.

    It's a little bit like kids. You sometimes have to offer somethimg MORE than camping so they will enjoy the trip.

    My 2 cents.

    B.
     
  3. ChocoChock01

    ChocoChock01 On the road aagaain See Rallies below;

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    One of the trips we do are Wine Festivals and use the pup as our motel. What does she like to do (art exhibits, craft fairs, book conventions....) that you can goto and you stay at the campground when she attends (or you attend also as your concession to take the pup out)!


    I have a friend in WA who owned a pup prior to getting re-married and finally sold it because the NEW family wouldn't go. That may eventually happen.
     
  4. Grn Mtn

    Grn Mtn New Member

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    From my own personal experience, compromise is everything. For example, if I don't actually feel like doing something (even if I know DH wants to), he will take on the responsibility of it and then we both win. Honestly, there are times I just meet him after work at the CG Friday, just in time for dinner. Camp is set up, food is packed, all I have to bring is my personal stuff and a good attitude.

    There are times that it works the other way too. You can always trade weekends, once doing what she wants to do and once doing what you want to do. The partner who does the choosing does all the advance work. If you work a lot of hours in the summer (me) sometimes it can be hard to motivate myself to go anywhere. The easier it is, the more likely I am to do it. DH and I have been married for a long time, we learned some of this stuff the hard way!

    Even if his favorite thing about camping was reading in the zero-gravity chair, it's still better than going alone, IMO. [2C]
     
  5. benfrench

    benfrench Woodbridge, VA

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    I have a lot of the same issues. My DW doesn't consider camping a vacation. I don't consider a hotel a vacation. If she doesn't want to go somewhere, then the dog and I go alone. I am not going to let her stop me from doing what I want to do and I don't tell her that she can't do something because I am not interested. It is what it is.
     
  6. yetavon

    yetavon everything is better around a campfire.

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    Sorry to hear of your dilemma. The hardest part of a relationship is the give and take. Another is a persons interest can change over time. Don't be annoyed about her lack of interest, but accepting. Try and find something she wants to do, and try an incorporate it into a shared trip. My big thing is kayak fishing, and on several trips the boat and most gear stayed home. (Always carry 1 rod) She doesn't do water, so I omit it and find other stuff we can do together. (she then fusses that I cant enjoy fishing...)
    Short and sweet ...Camp Driveway.. Or find a camp close to home and go, and have her come visit for the day.
    As for separate trips, we do them all the time. Its not "I'll just go by myself", but "I would like to go, wanna go with me?" Hers are mostly family visits and mine are kayak trips. As a matter of fact next week I will pull 3 nights, leave from work for a 3 day paddle, get back late sunday, we both work days Monday and Tuesday morning she leaves for her semiannual beach conference trip and wont be home till Saturday.
    Alone time can be just as beneficial as shared time.
    I personally want to get back into backpack camping....and her answer is NOT INTERESTED !!! But am free to go...
    Good luck
     
  7. campfreak

    campfreak Active Member

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    Trade in the wife.... Keep the popup.
     
  8. CamperMike

    CamperMike Member

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    My DW doesn't camp with me often; usually I just go with DS, and next year will probably also take DD. Anyway, this works for us. My wife really doesn't get the enjoyment from being outside camping that I do, and is okay with us being gone for a weekend here and there, sometimes as much as twice a month. Maybe part of the reason it's easy is that when we met I regularly went on motorcycle trips, often gone for whole weekends. She had no interest in that either and understood that I wasn't going to stop going on the trips; it was important to me at the time. Having children, and then getting back into camping basically ended the motorcycle trips, but the precedent for what was acceptable for our relationship was already set.

    Definitely try some of the suggestions below to see if that will get her to want to come along, but if not, you could calmly state how much you enjoy camping and politely ask her how she would feel if you went yourself. Then at least you'd know whether it would upset her and how much.
     
  9. Dubbya

    Dubbya Wherever you go, there you are...

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    I've found it best to confront the DW on these issues. Just explain what you're seeing and that you're concerned about it. Ask her for specifics as to "why" she no longer seems to enjoy camping. Give her an opportunity to express her expectations and concerns as well.

    We went through a similar issue but resolved it through dialogue and compromise. My idea of a good time camping was getting out there, sitting around, tinkering, napping and relaxing in the shade with a cold brew. The DW likes those things but in differing quantities. She much prefers sightseeing, shopping and days at the beach.

    It was becoming a problem as she no longer wanted to go if we were going to sequester ourselves out in the boonies with nothing to do but swat mosquitoes. Now, as long as there's an activity (other than cooking and washing dishes) within reasonable proximity, be it family oriented or not, she's more than happy to go. She just can't stand being idle but doesn't want to spend an entire weekend running her tail off working either. I get that.

    In the end, where the DW is concerned, it's not the activity that matters, it's more important that, whatever we choose to do, we do it together. Hey, yelling across the CG at noisy kids and barking dogs can be a team sport, can't it?
     
  10. pasnowlady

    pasnowlady Member

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    Some time ago, we (DH and I) read some relationships books, on advice from happily married (over 15 years) friends of ours. Love Languages, and Love and Respect. These books gave me(the wife) new insite to why my husband does not respond to loving gestures the way I do. Namely, we feel loved when the other person does, says, etc different things from one another.

    That said, my DH says he got his fill of camping in the Army. So, I try to do all or most of the work of camping, packing to go, and unloading once we get home. I have learned that relaxing to him is different from relaxing for me. He literally sits on his butt as much as possible. I like to go for walks, swim, socialize with others, read, take pics. I compromise and do spend some time just sitting next to him. This makes him feel loved. And he seems to enjoy himself more, then he is willing to go for walks with me.

    I also have discovered that if he asks how he can help, and I ask him to do something, I have to let him do it his way, and not interrupt or correct. We have a pup, but I can see something larger and self contained later in life. Less work and more relaxing for him, maybe with a full size recliner and a TV/Wifi reception.

    My advice would be to 1. seriously consider reading these two books, they are insightful. 2. Talk to your wife, ask her to be honest, but not brutal, as to what would make camping more enjoyable to her and etc. (Dubbya it soundslike you've got the marriage thing "compromise and communication" figured out on this one)

    Best wishes
     
  11. Dubbya

    Dubbya Wherever you go, there you are...

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    Hah! Well, to tell ya the truth, we worked through "Love Languages" too! [:D]

    That series provides some helpful insight, it's the application of the principles that really makes all the difference. [;)]
     
  12. bflentje

    bflentje Member

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    Camp on your own or convince her to do the hobbies she DOES have while in camping.
     
  13. 5Patricks@13

    5Patricks@13 New Member

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    I'll third the reading of Love Languages! (Married for 26 yrs) Approach her in a loving way, use I statements (I thought it would be great to camp this weekend, what do you think). Let her know (I miss the times we spent together camping and thought that we both enjoyed it. Has something changed?) Keeping leading with the I statements and ask questions in order to find out what may have changed for her. We all go through ups and downs, and maybe she isn't up for the prep work and set up of the camper or something else is on her mind. This may be the way to get her to open up about it. Good luck!
     
  14. Unstable_Tripod

    Unstable_Tripod Well, there's your problem!

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    Tyreguy asked:
    I guess this just depends on the two specific individuals. People have many different personalities and ideas about what is OK and not OK in a marriage. Some have no problem with doing some things apart and others would never consider it. Another factor is whether or not kids are involved. I think it's a completely different ballgame if one person wants to go and that means the other must do 100% of the child care for that time versus grown kids or no kids. So, in one case a person's request to go alone might lead to a factual discussion and straightforward decision while in another it might lead to a horrific fight because values are violated and feelings hurt.

    My wife and I have always been very independent people. There are many things we love to do together and some that one of us doesn't really like much but we do them because the other person likes them. She never camped before she met me. When I introduced her to it she thought it was fun but wasn't blown away by it. Over the years it has worked out that she was willing to camp for a few days at a time now and then but for her camping was a way to sight see in both the countryside and urban areas, not just enjoy the wilderness. She has since "graduated" to camping trips that last two weeks and include exploring sites of remote natural beauty as well as the towns along the way. She is working up to the idea of a multi-month trip but has stated that it won't be to the desert. She hates the idea of "nothing but sand and rocks." That's why we are considering Alaska.

    We just sort of fell into me going camping and her staying home in a natural way because of our kids' schedules. When our oldest daughter was in high school she was in many activities and these were often on weekends. She wasn't interested in camping but the two younger kids were so I started taking them on a few weekend trips each summer while DW stayed home with the oldest. Younger daughter's interest in camping faded and when she got into high school she quit. I continued to take our son a few weekends a summer and once (when he was 12) he and I went on a two-week trip from Seattle to Crater Lake in Oregon, northern California and back up the coast. DW heartily approved because we agreed that it would be good for him to have these "male bonding" experiences.

    After I retired (at 59), she was still working and I wanted to go on long touring trips to combine camping and photography. She agreed completely, saying it would be silly for me to sit home alone and not go just because she couldn't. As I said, we are both very independent and the thought of this being unusual didn't occur to us until another married couple who are fiends were dumbfounded. The woman said there would be no way in hell that she'd ever let her husband go on a long trip without her. Her viewpoint seemed to be that if she couldn't have fun then he couldn't either. As I said, different personalities. We just don't think that way. My wife goes to Portland for a few days now and then to visit a friend and has other things in her life that don't include me. That's fine.

    I think that you need to use your knowledge of your DW's personality and psychology to decide if you can broach this subject. If so, just bring it up factually and outline your position. Provide a few points about advantages for her, too. Are there things you don't care for that she likes and could do while you are gone? You just have to feel your way through the process. Good luck.
     
  15. Dubbya

    Dubbya Wherever you go, there you are...

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    I second Tripod's post above... failing that, you could always resort to trickery and deceit! [;)]

    [LOL] [LOL]
     
  16. Unstable_Tripod

    Unstable_Tripod Well, there's your problem!

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    Here we go again with a typo that I didn't notice until after the time to edit had expired. In my previous post I said: "...another married couple who are fiends..." No, these folks are friends, not fiends!
     
  17. Dubbya

    Dubbya Wherever you go, there you are...

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    Or, perhaps fiends who have duped you into believing they're friends.
     
  18. inthedirt

    inthedirt Active Member

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    Boy, I sure can relate to your post! I have been married for 14yrs now, and have never had the support or the "green light" to enjoy my hobbies the way that I would like to. She sees me as being selfish, whether I include the family, or not. She sees me as trying to push my wants and desires on those who do not share the same enthusiasm. She accuses me of being manipulative so that I can get my way. All of this coming from someone who knew of my interests long before SHE asked me to marry HER!

    I can't offer any advice to you because I'm in the same pickle. How do you get the most out what you consider enjoyable without suffering the drama and fallout that is sure to come? Its not as easy as saying "you do your thing and I'll do mine." Holy Crap! I wish it were that easy. Some times I wonder if we'll actually stay together much longer.

    She's been supportive of my educational and career goals, and I've been supportive of hers. Obviously, finances dictated that she stays home with the kids more often because I have the higher earning potential. That will change because she is working on her degrees and will ultimately earn more than I do if her goals are realized. I've often wondered if we'll go our separate ways once she is able to support herself and the kids are no longer dependent upon us. Scary, but truthful.

    One thing is sure, though. If I'm ever interested in doing something or going somewhere (camping, dirtbiking, etc), I will do whatever I can to make it happen and I remain vocal about it. This lets everyone know of my intentions. I don't see her doing the same. If she has hobbies and interests, she's done a great job of keeping it to herself (reading, knitting, ect). She doesn't understand the concept of working hard all week just to be "primitive" later. That's no vacation for her. She's a Condo-Camper, meaning that she would rather stay in hotels if we are travelling somewhere. I feel for ya Brutha, I truly do.
     
  19. Matt O

    Matt O Strangers are friends who have not yet met

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    Same story here. DW isn't really into camping. Our main debate is I relax while camping sitting around doing nothing. She doesn't understand why I can't do that at home. I tell her when I am home I am constantly thinking of the wall that needs painted, the fence that needs to be fixed, organize the garage, etc etc and it is never ending. So I need to go away. She also thought it was too much work to set up the popup....even though I did all the work, set up, cook, clean, everything. I will grant her it was a difficult while our son was real young with the pack n play, bottles, etc.

    I usually go on a few solo trips when it is cold out and I know she would not like it. She has said that she is counting the points for watching my son while I go away to play. I told her that once he is potty trained and can talk I will take him camping with me and she will have many more weekends alone at home than I had away alone. I told her that when he gets to be about 5 I plan on taking him camping once a month. She will be invited each time.

    I told her early on that I chose camping so we could do it as a family or at the very least with my son. I could have bought a motorcycle but then I would not be doing it with my family. I could take up fishing but that would only be done with my son. Camping we can do as a family. She likes that idea but still can't understand why I want to camp so often.

    Usually on the way home I will ask her what she liked or did not like and discuss how we could change it. After discussing things often on the way home we have discovered that she likes private campgrounds more and grassy areas over "woods". We found the perfect place to camp that she really likes. Old Mill Stream Campground right next to Dutch Wonderland in Lancaster County PA. She really likes the campground and that we spend the day at the theme park with our son.

    Another thing that we have changed recently that should help get her out camping with me more....we just bought a class C RV. She now has a real bed to sleep in, hard walls that are better insulated and a comfy couch to sit on.
     
  20. RotnMom

    RotnMom Am I there yet?

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    I'm a very outgoing person and Craig is a pacifist. I'm the one who sees a wrong, and calls the cops. He says, just stay out of it. He had never camped in his life, and I was raised camping & boating. His sole hobby is reading and he really, truly, LOVES his job (EMS helicopter mechanic). There wasn't a sport I haven't played in, have danced competitively, loved music (both playing and listening), was a sharpshooter for years, yada yada. Craig was an Air Force brat and went into the Navy at 17. He read, a LOT. I read in shifts.

    Although we seem to fit that 'opposites attract' theory pretty good, when we get on each other's nerves, he'll look at me and ask, "Do I need to send you camping somewhere??" Well, HELL YEAH!! He comes and sets me up, comes back home to do his own chillin with the dogs, then comes back and tears down. I'm always pretty much ready for him when he arrives to load bins and coolers in the truck.

    For him, he goes to FL a few times a year to visit his Dad and 2 siblings with families. I stay home and chill with the dogs and do stuff around here, even if it's composing a honey do list! [LOL] [LOL]

    I'm pretty sure we've never TOLD the other one what we were going to do, in that matter of fact way as to sound really childish, but I don't know why...we had some rough times at first. We get our peace & rest in our own ways, and we also get it by being together. Truth be told, now that he's liking camping, he has a record of 5 trips, 4 breaks. [LOL] I'm hoping the pup can survive him! [;)]

    I think we work it out pretty good, but I'm still going to check out those books.

    [:D]
     

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