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Discussion in 'The Woodshed' started by Becky Roque, Sep 11, 2020.
My husband went camping for years Without me cuz I wanted no part of it! I gave in one weekend and now I regret all the years I missed and I absolutely Love camping! Hope he comes around.
Small minded people are to be found everywhere. Does your boyfriend stay in the house all of the time and do nothing? You two never go out for dinner, shopping or have any fun outside of the home? Another side of this is hard for me to explain but may be helpful to your situation. I was involved in a Communication Program back in the late 1980's. Communication is based on talking and listening. Listening is a huge part of communication, right? Yes. But, what is one listening to or for? Many times while somebody else is talking to us we have a conversation going inside of our own heads and we don't really hear what that other person is saying, right? This brings me to the point I would like to make that may help.
There was a form of listening they called, Already Always. Basically it is when people have preconceived ideas about others. So, if you are listening to what is ALREADY in your head in regard to somebody or something, you are ALWAYS going to hear (or see) what you are listening for. Nothing else can show up except what you are listening for. This type of listening does not allow for change. Make sense?
That all being said, you live in California where this type of thing is probably as widely accepted as it gets, right? Maybe your boyfriend has fears other than the racial aspect of it. I find that for the most part, people get treated the way they treat others. Act like and a-hole and you'll be treated like one. It's pretty simple. Most folks out camping are nice and then there are those that are out partying under the guise of camping!
Your comment fits with mine...our preconceived notions or ideas aren't always what or where reality is.
OK, since I'm white and married to a white woman, maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. I'm thinking the "Barbados after a hurricane" thing might be the real deal…
Mrs. Fetched grew up here on Planet Georgia, and can remember having to cross a footlog to get to the outhouse (like the Snuffy Smith comics of the 60s). She has also told me about tent camping trips, when her family of 6 would pile into a VW Beetle and go wherever (heavy rains or bug swarms usually figure into those stories). We went tent camping once, and it was a pleasant weekend, but sprinkles that were little harder than a mist as we were packing up had her more anxious than I thought was warranted at the time. She's OK with a pup, but would prefer a rolling condo if we could afford it.
So yeah, I can see how a wood fire might trigger painful memories in his case. On the upside, there are campgrounds that don't have fire rings. Do all your cooking with propane or Coleman fuel. Try a trip during the week, when things are more quiet. It may turn out he's a Class A RV/rolling condo type, or he might find he really likes the airy feel of a pup.
We're getting into the best time of year to get out—good luck!
Your situations might be more involved than what your original post suggested,
Your situation is more involved than what your original post implied. But consider this, people can be, and are, a-holes regardless of race. I have people, of my race, do such incredibly antagonistic things that if I were black and they white or vice versa I would absolutely interpret as racial haatr
Of course people of any race can be @holes. No one is saying otherwise. But that doesn't mean that there is no racism. And that doesn't mean that anything a black person perceives as racism is not racism.
And someone being an @hole is completely different than someone being racist.
I hate everybody
I bet he just doesn't want to camp. after I got out of the infantry ( army ) I had absolutely no desire to camp at all. I spent enough time sleeping in dug holes, eating bent over your mess kit because it was pouring, carrying around 75 lbs of gear on your back etc that it took years to go back to camping. my wife wasn't thrilled about it but at least I told the real reason I wouldn't go.
I had 8 yrs as a grunt, just the opposite for me; getting the hay away from the "real world" was my sanity platform...cost me my 1st marriage years ago, but dang well worth it, I'm completely normal now, depending on who you talk to...***I don't hate everybody lol, but AM choosey who I surround myself w/...
As others have said, I suspect he just doesn’t want to go camping. . . . .
As for the prejudice issue, our children are Hispanic. We do get some stares in rare situations as DH and I are white. However, I cannot recall one time while camping – and we have been going since the oldest was in diapers; he is now 26 – where we have had any issues. Haters will always hate. But there is an overwhelming number of good folks that simply don’t care about race. They’re more concerned with “Is he/she a good neighbor? Will they play loud music? Run a loud generator? Walk through our site?”. I taught my kids growing up that there will be some people who will never accept them due to the color of their skin, but that limiting their opportunities because of that fear will only hurt themselves. YMMV.
I’ve been camping my whole life, the hubs not so much. Since getting my first PUP early this year, we've mostly camped in state parks throughout Indiana. We’ve been pleasantly surprised at the diversity we’ve seen here- a broad mix of white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern and Indian/Pakistani families, as well as singles and couples (biracial and same- sex included). It’s kind of restored my hope and faith in the kindness of campers... Best of luck to you!
I'll try to simplify my point: You cannot run and hide from what others think. What others think is their business, what you think is your business. They inconvenience you, you adapt, claim your right to be who you are.
As for your statement: "All it takes is one jackhole to ruin the day", whose day did it ruin? If it ruined your day, you are the one who allowed it to do so. A-holes are not A-holes because of who you are but because of who they are. They ruin their own day.
Your son got "ugly stares"? Gee whiz, I get those too, and I get them from people the same race as myself. I've gotten way too many from my boss, I even get ugly stares from my wife. Should every ugly encounter be interpreted as racially motivated? Did you ever consider the possibility that there are people out there that are just that way? But if it is racially motivated, who is bigger, you or they?
You cite an example concerning your family and extending that to a campground scenario. Family reaction to a biracial couple is not comparable to campers in a campground where nobody knows anyone else. Everyone enjoys and respects everyone else's civility.
This is where I am most outraged at your post, campgrounds are a place for people who love camping and enjoy the environment of others who are there for the same reason. I am offended to think that if you camped next to us that you harbored thoughts that we thought disparagingly of you for what you are. We like the idea that if you are to judge people that you do it on their character, and not anything else.
If you want to have a problem with us, camp with barking dogs, screaming kids late at night, floodlights, radios... but different colored people? Who's looking?
IMO the OP asked or rather stated question that I judged to be legit. Now I wonder. The responses have been all over the place and apparently pissing people off. Again, IMO, this thread was intended for text book gaslighting. Noticed that the OP has not responded or commented?