Is it tacky to ask for donations to a charity in lieu of gifts for a 40th B-Day?

Discussion in 'Best Wishes/Remembrances for Loved Ones & Friends' started by Matt O, Mar 30, 2011.

Is it tacky to ask for donations to a charity in lieu of gifts for a 40th B-Day?

  1. Yes

    19.4%
  2. No

    80.6%
  1. Matt O

    Matt O Strangers are friends who have not yet met

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    We are having a 40th.....I mean 29th Birthday party for my wife this summer. It will be a BBQ at my house. This isn't a surprise party so my Lori knows about it but she isn't planning it. We are getting ready to send out the invitations. Previously Lori and I discussed putting something like " In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to a charity" We were probably going to go with a peanut allergy charity since our son is allergic to peanuts.

    It has been brought up that asking for a donation to a charity is tacky. My thoughts are that asking for a donation to the "Lori spa day" is tacky. Asking for a donation to a charity is a selfless act that is very honorable. [2C]

    What do you think?
     
  2. campfreak

    campfreak Active Member

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    I think it's fine. 40 was when I reached the point of really not wanting more stuff. Why not give to charity? Nobody is actually forcing them to do it, or keeping score anyway.
     
  3. KJcachers

    KJcachers Active Member

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    you know your friends best. If you feel they won't be offended then I say go for it.
     
  4. adamteja

    adamteja New Member

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    I think it's fine... in an era of consumerism it seems like a good idea. We have several friends who do this around the holidays... toys for tots, sponsor families, etc. It's a good thing and people will rise to the occasion.

    How about "No gifts please. If you must insist, please make a donation to _____ "
     
  5. Steve A

    Steve A A bad day camping beats a great day at work!

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    Skewed results. I meant NO. Damnit Jim!

    I think it's phrasing it as you are, that's perfectly acceptable.
     
  6. sandyaker

    sandyaker Rock Hill, SC

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    I think that is an AWESOME idea!
    I've done it for several things from birthdays to anniversaries to even funerals.

    As someone who volunteers religiously with Special Olympics, I see first hand on a daily basis what a charitable donation can do. My personal feeling is I would rather give a donation to Special Olympics in hopes that it will possibly make a lifetime memorable moment happen for one of my athletes than to get a personal gift I probably won't remember in a month.

    I say do it!

    Scott
     
  7. Snow

    Snow Well-Known Member

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    I see no problem with it... what would be tacky would be to ask for donations to the "Matt needs new camping things" fund .. [;)]

    Go for it... My sister did exactly that last year when we were planning mom and dads 50th anniversary ... They still got a few gifts, all small and all with some sort of meaning behind them.. the 2 charities my sister listed on the invites got the bulk of the "gift" monies.
     
  8. Hawkester

    Hawkester Hawkesnest

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    A fine idea!
     
  9. Matt O

    Matt O Strangers are friends who have not yet met

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    Thank you for your responses.

    I feel that since this is a birthday party people are going to want to bring a small gift even if we say "No Gifts". The $5 they were going to spend on a little cheesy gift can go to better use at a charity. If they feel guilted into making a larger donation.....It will bring them closer to the charitable donation deduction they took on their income tax :)
     
  10. jshulenberger

    jshulenberger New Member

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    We have started doing this since my grandmother passed. Last Christmas, we told our family to not buy us gifts, but instead make a donation in her name. When my wife opened the card with the certificate from the Humane Society for sponsoring an entire day in Grandma's name, she cried. (we are huge dog people)

    It can only be tacky to give a gift to an organization in someones name if not asked. Like the "Human Fund" (as per George Costanza). [:D]
     
  11. gkraps

    gkraps Member

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    My wife's circle of friends have been doing this for quite a few years now. they certainly don't need little gifts each year but they all have a favorite charity that is always in need of something.

    My wife asks for cash or pet food as the local animal shelter is her charity. Others pick youth organizations or service groups that need all the support they can get.

    As a side bar, when we are traveling, all the the hotel shampoos, soaps, etc are gathered up and when we have a bag full, we donate them to the local female domestic violence center. They like getting the individual sizes for their overnight guests.
     
  12. Camping Fever

    Camping Fever New Member

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    OK. I'm the lone wolf here. It is tacky according to Miss Manners. "Gifts are not required or expected. Therefore, to say the equivalent of *please donate in lieu of gifts* is making the assumption that a gift was forthcoming in the first place. This puts people in the awkward position of having to provide a gift (donation) when they otherwise might not have."

    And that's the problem with society today, we have lost our ability to discern what is tacky and what isn't.

    Now, the real question is: is it offensive? No it isn't offensive, however, it is tacky. And that's my manners lesson of the day. [:D]

    (And it is honorable to want to donate to a charity)
     
  13. real lite virgin

    real lite virgin Rob,Suzanne & Jessie - Black Lab

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    I don't think it is tacky I think it is a great idea, I'm thinking of getting my family into doing this..... let's face it I'm pretty sure most Dad's have a huge collection of socks and ties and Mum's little knick knacks and jewellery....so go ahead and host your wife's party feeling good about the donation of money to some well deserving charities. Just my [2C] on the subject.
    Suzanne
     
  14. ILUVTHEBEACH

    ILUVTHEBEACH Suburbs of Philly, PA

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    I think if you state no gifts on the invitation, you are requesting that no one bring a gift and there for aren't expecting any. By asking your guests that feel the need to give something no matter what you say to a charity instead is not tacky.
     
  15. yogi

    yogi New Member

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    It's a fantastic idea!
     
  16. beamer0821

    beamer0821 New Member

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    i vote "no" i think charity is an excellent idea! and i've done something similar for a xmas party instead of exchanging gifts.

    with that said...people may feel put out that they are "Required" to bring a gift even if its for charity. as its seems presumptuous (sp?) that they would have brought a gift to begin with.

    rather i'd put no gifts please but if you feel compelled please donate to such and such charity. ...something to this effect

    i might be overthinking it..but that's what i would do.

    happy birthday to the guest of honor!
     
  17. Matt O

    Matt O Strangers are friends who have not yet met

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    Beamer, you are correct, it is all in the wording. If anyone wants to help out, we'd appreciate it.

    "No presents required, only your presence. If you would like to make a donation to the peanut charity to celebrate Lori's birthday, she would be honored."

    "Don't bring me crap, spend money on a good cause"

    "In lieu of gifts, please make a donation in Lori's name to the Peanut charity"
     
  18. missnanc

    missnanc Give me the fresh outdoors!

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    That is a wonderful idea! (Thought about doing the same for our 20th anniversary this year.) At my age, I know what I want and when I decide then I go get it myself. (Hubby's the same way, I know what he wants and I go get it [;)] )
    Aside from all that, budget cuts are affecting every charity out there. What better way to help the charity and celebrate a friend at the same time.
     
  19. Bullfrog Bheer

    Bullfrog Bheer Active Member

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    You people have a better class of friends than me. Most of my friends wouldn't have brought gifts anyway.
     
  20. bearman512

    bearman512 Well-Known Member

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    I say yes to TACKY.
    Giving presents to someone no matter what the occasion has been a tradition for at least the last century. To ask someone to give to a Charity is in my book to touchy feelly [:(O].
    There is always a charitable cause out there and I get enough people asking me to give to a charity.
    Why can't people just say on the invitation card Please Do Not Bring a Gift and if someone does bring one be gracious and accept the gift. [2C]
    I hope I did not offend anyone.
    This is the retired military side of me speaking. [{:)]
     

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