Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

Discussion in 'Jokes And Campfire Stories / Songs' started by astronomynv, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. astronomynv

    astronomynv 98 Starcraft Constellation 1021 TV 93 Ford Bronco

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    Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
    You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house-mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

    Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

    Depending on your age you might do the following:





    In your 20's:

    Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

    ________________________________________


    In your 30's:

    Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.


    ________________________________________


    In your 40's:

    Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologneis almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

    ________________________________________


    In your 50's:

    Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
    'I Got Worms .'


    ________________________________________


    In your 60's:

    Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.


    ________________________________________


    In your 70's:

    Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

    ________________________________________



    In your 80's:

    Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

    ________________________________________


    In your 90's & beyond:

    What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
     
  2. Deskpilot

    Deskpilot Member

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    Perfect chuckle for Monday. Thanks
     
  3. jenoble99

    jenoble99 New Member

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    I'm picturing some of the folks I've seen at Home Depot/Lowes over the years, and I think it's mostly true.
     
  4. Hardee5

    Hardee5 New Member

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    I'm on my way to Depot tomorrow, but I'll be leaving from work so I won't have time to put on clean shorts and shirt [:D]
     
  5. Dusty82

    Dusty82 Active Member

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    Subtract 5 points. Three for being dressed like that, and two more for admitting it... [:D]
     
  6. silvermickey2002

    silvermickey2002 Morris County, NJ

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    It's 4:41 AM, I'm at work and just read this....It made me laugh! I'm 46 and pretty scary reading the section In Your 40's!!!!!
     
  7. Bullfrog Bheer

    Bullfrog Bheer Active Member

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    Hey, have you seen my shorts? The hole's not that big.
    I guess I'm older than my age.
     
  8. giftogab2001

    giftogab2001 New Member

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    HISTERICAL!! I can see my husband all over this!! I see what I have to look forward to.. OH MY! [LOL] [LOL]
     
  9. Matt O

    Matt O Strangers are friends who have not yet met

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    Whenever I walk into Home Depot my mind goes blank and I can never remember the 5 things I needed to complete my project. I will leave with 7 things but only 3 items were on my original list of 5.....But I'll have "all" the stuff I need for my next project [:D]
     
  10. clay

    clay Pop up...then Pop-a-Top...my friend.

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    Good Stuff!
     
  11. sehuff903

    sehuff903 1985 Palomino MXL

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    Feeling older now because I fit the 60's profile more than 50's.
     
  12. mercman

    mercman Go Ahead, Be That Happy Camper!

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    Now that's funny, but sadly true.

    -Chris
     

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