Selfish or Realist?

Discussion in 'Camping for the Medically/Physically Challenged' started by slowfatknitter, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. slowfatknitter

    slowfatknitter Member

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    It's no secret Mr Slow isn't in the best of health. Tonight he decided that we should sell our PUP and get a 5th wheel. One of the reasons we bought the PUP was the fact that I could set it up and down. We downsized from a 28ft Airstream. I actually prefer the PUP over the Airstream. More room, can go places the Airstream couldn't and so forth. We've already seen a decrease in the number of times the PUP was used over the past year due to health issues. Last year he was hospitalized 7 times. The issue for me is....Am I being selfish wanting to keep the PUP, knowing he might be more comfortable in a TT? Or a realist...thinking I may be going camping alone soon and want something I can handle? We have no payments, I can store the PUP in the garage and if I put my tongue on the left side of my mouth, I can back it up and level it. I can't back a stock trailer up, what would I do with something bigger? Right now, due to the health issues, we camp in the spring and the fall up to the time the weather freezes. I'm Ok with that. Sure I'd like to camp more, but not without Mr Slow. Am I the voice of reason or just a selfish bitc*?
     
  2. Yooperwannabe

    Yooperwannabe Active Member

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    I would say you are the voice of reason. Why does he, or you, think he would be more comfortable in a 5er? Could it be that he feels quilty that you must do the set up and break down by your self? Maybe he thinks that it would be easier for you. Just explain to him that you don't have enough tongue to back up one of those big babies.
     
  3. slowfatknitter

    slowfatknitter Member

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    Perhaps. I think it may be more of what he thinks I want. Sure, they're qorgeous. Would, I like to have one? Maybe. But been there done that. Simple is better sometimes. I know he wants the best for me...and that's an unspoken "I love you". But, as hard as I try, I can't convince him. I also know that he does feel bad not being able to help as much as before. I'm Ok with that. Being able to get away, sit in the quite and watch him enjoy the sunshine or the stars...I'd haul the dang thing on my back for him. Our days are limited, we both know that. We just camp close to the hospital and the sheriff knows us. Kinda sad isn't it. Some day it will be me and memories. I'll still camp...I don't need all that extra stuff and for the few times I can take him, the PUP will be just fine.
     
  4. fmbhappycamper

    fmbhappycamper PuP Power

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    Keep your chin up and keep the pup. [2C]
     
  5. Twisty

    Twisty New Member

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    How about selling the Pup and getting a Fiver then sometime down the road selling the Fiver and getting another Pup?
    Sounds like you need to know what he really wants and needs.
    Does he fell guilty or helpless? Unneeded?
    I would think that he wants the best, nicest, easiest outfit for you...
     
  6. tlgenterprises

    tlgenterprises New Member

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    [2C]MY DEAR, YOU ARE A REALIST!
     
  7. nhcaveman

    nhcaveman Barrington, NH

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    What about a seasonal somewhere close to your home? That way you could camp more when Mr. Slow is feeling up to it, with little to no work involved? Although I guess this would depend on if you travel to camp, go to several places, etc. Seems to me this could maybe be a compromise that would allow you to camp more, and Mr Slow to have his larger more comfortable camper.
     
  8. silvermickey2002

    silvermickey2002 Morris County, NJ

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    As the DW would say "You are a realist and see things for what they are in the long term"!

    I would say keep the pup! Looking long term and if you wanted to continue camping, would you want to tow a 5'er and do the setup and maintenance? Also, you need to think about the costs, do you possibly want those costs down the road?

    Just my [2C]
     
  9. astoriedlife

    astoriedlife New Member

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    Knitter, the last thing your story is, is sad. It's a perfect combination of love and generosity and compromise.

    I strongly agree with Twisty, it's likely there is something more going on here. What comes out of our heads and mouths is sometimes not quite what we're feeling. It sounds like you have an excellent relationship, and one decision-maker may be an intimate conversation about what you want individually and together, and why you want it. It's hard, sometimes too hard, to be realistic. But it's also very healthy and will strengthen your relationship that much more. I won't get weepy on you, but my dearest friend was in a similar situation for several years, and decisions were made that couldn't be changed, even by her DH at the very end. I know we shouldn't live our lives worrying about future regrets, but she was also sad for the regrets her DH finally experienced when he had more important things to deal with.

    Good luck to you Knitter, prayers for you and Mr. Slow are coming your way.

    BTW, our family has a pup strictly because of my attachment to them, and because I can tow and set it up myself. The DH has expressed interest in something bigger/better, as have DD and DS, so thank goodness we can't seem to afford anything yet! [;)] Fingers crossed...
     
  10. Nascar Fan

    Nascar Fan Active Member

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    Nuff said! God Bless!!
     
  11. slowfatknitter

    slowfatknitter Member

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    Thank you so much for your thoughts and comments....I've considered them all prior to my post. We have a lake lot about 45 minutes away and had the Airstream parked there year round, although we have security, it was broke into several times. It was desvastating to think someone had pawed through my underdrawers. It's still a thought. Buying a 5er is not even a question of money. More manitence and upkeep. I already have someone to mow for us and when we camp our sheriff friend always stops by for coffee. The kids are never too far away and I can count on them for help. Having said that, it's the times we're not at "home". I would still need to pack his seizure meds, nebulizer, glucose monitor, insulin, daily meds, BP cuff etc. Still, I don't mind that. It all goes in a tote, with his files. But having a big unit, is just more than I can handle. The PUP is comfortable and his does sleep well. There is just so much my plate can hold. The PUP suits our needs. When the time comes and Mr Slow can't camp, it will sit and wait patiently for me. Then I'll pack up Mr Slow ashes and we will sit by the fire once more.
     
  12. azgilamonster

    azgilamonster New Member

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    Vey nice slowknitter,
    I / we are in the same boat more -less I am on plenty of meds disabled and use oxygen and a bi-pap machine and diabetic too.
    We sold our Class A MH and went with the pup because of ease for the DW to be able to drive the truck and set up the camper. She was always intimidated by the MH she drove it once and a herd of deer jumped out in front of her. Never again was she behind the wheel. I drive everywhere we go, but she knows she can handle the little ranger p/u with a pup in tow.
    SO we both agreed to sell the MH . I think another long talk with Mr. Slow is in order and really let him know you are ok with the pup and if he thinks it will be easier for him with a tt then best of luck to both of you.
     
  13. mspontiac

    mspontiac Member

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    Your posts tear my heart out. I am still sort of young-ish (41). I dread the day that my husband and I have to face decisions like this.

    Does your husband want a 5th wheel because he thinks it will be more comfortable or because it will be easier for you? I think you are most certainly being the voice of reason. However, depending on why he wants a 5th wheel, maybe you could consider it while he is still able to camp if it will bring him some enjoyment. Some 5th wheels are resonably priced and not so huge. Could you buy a 5th wheel now and then buy another pup when the time comes?

    Or (and I know this may be a stretch financially for some folks) what about a small C-class motorhome? I've seen some older models made in the the late 1990s or early 2000s that are under $15,000 and 24 feet or less. Something like that may be easy for you to handle and comfortable for him now. Just a thought.
     
  14. 14erfam

    14erfam Member

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    What a heart breaking situation to be in- I'm so sorry. I agree that a conversation needs to be had about why a 5er- a)for your benefit, b)his level of comfort c) other. This is a situation that ultimately comes down to ease of suffering. Its fantastic that he still feels well enough to camp, despite his poor health. I think you both need to dialogue and agree on what will best allow you to enjoy your remaining days together the most.

    The benefit of a pup is obviously ease of travel, manuevrability in the CG, storage, etc.

    The only significant beneifts I can see to a 5er/TT would be better climate control/ heat retention, cooking inside, noise insulation, and a bath/shower if you don't already have one.

    Make the most of your limited time together- it really is a gift. How that will look is only a question you can answer together. Its not about being selfish or realistic- its about cramming in every last great experience you can fit into your shared lifetime. That is how you ease the suffering.
     
  15. Flyfisherman

    Flyfisherman New Member

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    Tough choices to make. I've towed a 28' Airstream, too, and the thing I've loved about the popup is being able to get back into remote places ... and not having to have a gas guzzling tow vehicle to do it. So I understand where your coming from.

    Have you considered (and is it possible in your area), to maybe rent something like a class B motor home (that's a converted van)? The class C is getting larger and they usually have the cab-over bunk up front. I was wondering if you could pack the medical things he needs into one of those large plastic bins and you could simply slide it into the motor home along with your duds and such?

    If you could rent a smaller motor home and it would suit your needs, this would be a way to get out to the camping spots and not have the upkeep and such, plus keep the popup camper!
     
  16. Luv2ridebikes

    Luv2ridebikes New Member

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    Regardless of the decision, I admire your determination. I hope you enjoy several more campouts together.
     
  17. JeepMama

    JeepMama New Member

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    Since this is a 'revived thread', and I read it thru, I am wondering how are you and Mr. Slow doing these days? I hope all is well and you both are still getting out there to enjoy camping :)
     
  18. papachaz

    papachaz New Member

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    wow i really don't know how to respond other than i bid you God speed in whichever you decide. I personally think that since you are the one doing the work, your wishes should weigh in. i am however convinced that he has more motive than he's saying. i want my wife to have the very best.
     
  19. Penny Logan

    Penny Logan The traveling teepee in her Dreamcatcher

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    I would remind DH of all the memories you have made in the PUP! That you will always remember your time together in the PUP. I am lifting prayers for you and your husband.
     
  20. slowfatknitter

    slowfatknitter Member

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    I am touched by all of the prayers and kind words. It's comforting to know that others sending well wishes to Mr. Slow and I. As to date....we were able to camp early June. He did have to retreat into the pup to get out of the heat a couple of times. We had a couple of episodes of syncope (fainting) and respiratory events. I did come close to calling EMS a couple of times.....fortunately....I took a couple of deep breaths and the nursing skills kicked in. I'm glad that I was prepared as well as I was. We used the portable nebulizer and I gave him a duo-neb treatment, both times. Thank you Jesus....it worked! As for the syncopal episodes, we kept him away from the fire, cliffs and made sure he had a life jacket on when on the dock. We had planned to camp this weekend, as we had a break in the weather. Darn the luck anyway....Mr. Slow was having a bad week. He has been diagnosed with an autonomic nervous system dysfunction. Basically, it means that his nervous system doesn't regulate his body functions correctly. So when he stands up, his heart rate climbs to 150-175 bpm and his BP to 60/35. Resting his heart rate is 115 bpm. So his body thinks it running all the time. This dysfunction affects all body systems, so it's either diarrhea or constipation. He's either chilling or sweaty. His stomach will either cramp or be upset. These symptoms may hit one at a time, several at a time and lasts minutes to days. Not much in the way of treatment. Keeping him well hydrated and cooler, rather than warmer. Day to day activities become difficult. The simple task of taking a shower becomes an all morning event. We still plan to camp when the weather is cooler this fall. God willing and the creek don't rise. Thanks again for you kindness.....slowfatknitter
     

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