Things wives believe!

Discussion in 'Jokes And Campfire Stories / Songs' started by Big D, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. ambulancetech

    ambulancetech New Member

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    Years ago my wife and I were moving into a new house, I told her I had to go back to the hardware store to return the house number that I had bought. She asked why and I replied that I bought a 9 instead of a 6. She quickly grabbed it and was heading to the door when I had to stop her. Boy was she P!$$ed. The silence afterwards was worth it. [LOL]
     
  2. Alter Ego

    Alter Ego Member

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    When I was a new Apprentice, I had an old Journeyman pull that one on me. I reached around into my tool belt and pulled out this 300mm adjustable wrench.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Csea

    Csea New Member

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    Oh you guys are just mean... [LOL]

    My friend C told my other friend M that you have to let something you heat up in the microwave sit for exactly 2 minutes so that the little microns that cook your food could settle. Sad thing in M still believes this, and its funny to watch him microwave something and then time it on his watch.... still doesnt know why i laugh every time.
     
  4. Mountainbikecop

    Mountainbikecop Death Smiles At Everyone -- Marines Smile Back"

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    When I was a paid firefighter in a Vol. Company, the town had put in a couple of new fire hydrants. So I took the FNG (funny new guy) out and told him he had to prime the new hydrants [}:)] before they would work. So we took a tanker and a five gal bucket and you can guest what happened. UNTIL the Fire Chief came by. He wasn't a happy camper [:(]. Chewed me out until I found out he was mad because he didn't think about it first. [LOL]
     
  5. fergusonman

    fergusonman Member

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    While in the Navy we would send the FGN's to get a bucket of "Water line".
     
  6. eve104

    eve104 Ol'Bessie

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    THAT IS SOO WRONG
     
  7. barb_dave

    barb_dave Active Member

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    When my daughter had come out to WI (she was 18 at the time) we had to go to Wal-mart on the way back home we passed the Asian Market. I told her that's where you can buy an Asian. She was shocked and surprised at the same time asking how much people paid. I told her I didn't know but I was sure it was expensive.

    I did tell her I was joking after about an hour.
     
  8. bigdad

    bigdad Active Member

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    We sent the new guy to the boss to ask were the bed stretcher was we need to stretch the dump bed on the truck , the boss was not happy that was long time ago [:D]
     
  9. armyguy

    armyguy US [USA]

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    We would send the new Privates t0 supply for a "Box of Grid Squares" and to the commo SGT for a "can of squelch" the mechanics would get asked a "tube of track tension"
     
  10. Gumbias

    Gumbias New Member

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    When I was younger we were camping friends and I. The raccoons were looking for a hand out. The girls were freaking out a little. I had some small orange cones in my trunk and set them around the outer edge of the campsite and told them it was raccoon repellent. A few hours later there was a raccoon near the car, and she turned to me with the most serious look and tone in her voice and asked " Can we ask the ranger for more cones. [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL] [LOL].
     
  11. Big_kid

    Big_kid Virginia Beach, VA

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    Maybe so, but 20 years later I still have that same 6 point socket she traded me.
     
  12. Dusty82

    Dusty82 Active Member

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    When we were stationed in Germany in the late 80s, I had my then 12-year-old daughter convinced that if you listened really really closely, German dogs didn't say "woof-woof," they said "voofen-voofen." It was close to a year later before she listened really closely to a dog barking and got all indignant with me.

    We were driving past a field of sunflowers one day, and I told her that I was always amazed by sunflower fields. She glanced at the field, then asked me why. I pointed to the field, then asked her how the farmer knew which side of the seed to face up when he planted them to get all of the plants to face the same way when they grew. I never let her off that hook...

    When DW was working the special tool room in Germany, a young troop came in to sign out a box of grid squares. It was a cold (well below freezing,) snowy day, and DW took pity on him, telling him that he'd been had, and that she was going to help him get even. She sat him down next to the heater with an old map, a pair of scissors, got him a cup of coffee, and told him to cut up the map, following the grid lines, and to place the resulting squares in a box she found for him. They chatted and drank coffee in her nice warm office for close to an hour before the kid's platoon sergeant called, wondering if DW had seen the kid. She told him that yes, he was there, and she'd send him back with his grid squares shortly. After a long silence on the phone, the platoon sergeant told her to send him back as soon as she could. When the kid was finished cutting up the map, his uniform now dry, and he'd had about 4 cups of coffee, they packed up the "grid squares" in the box, and she sent him on his way.
     
  13. frankvanw1

    frankvanw1 London, Ontario, Canada

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    I was working in a mould making shop. I sent the new guy for the magnet to lift aluminum blocks. He fell for it. lol.
     
  14. top magoo

    top magoo New Member

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    the first time i brought my wife (aka the sgt major) camping, she told me she was deathly afraid of snakes. i told her that when she walked through the woods, she needed to growl to scare the snakes away. she really didn't believe me at first, but did it anyway (she's blonde). for the first few years, everytime she'd walk through the woods, she'd growl.

    one day, while our families were camping together, my brother was walking through the woods with her and heard her growling. he asked her why she was making that noise. she told him to scare away the snakes. he laughed at her for 15 minutes or so and tried to convince her that snakes didn't have ears...

    she had me doing push-ups for a long time when she finally realized what was up...
     
  15. merc

    merc Member

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    As a USAF C-130 mechanic, I've seen the flightline/propwash done alot. When I was in training I was riding to school in a classmates truck. When we walked in, he told us to get in the truck and get him 1 yard of flightline. My classmate turned and said let's go. I told him we were getting had. He said I know, let's have some fun. On the other end of the flightline they were tearing out the old concrete, and building a new ramp. We managed to find a 3ft long chunk in the rubble with the red line on it, and took it back and dropped it on the instructor's desk. The look on his face was priceless.

    I've seen new airmen run a mile to "Get the keys to the plane."

    I've stopped at the base Cop shack on base and sent a new airman in for K9P cleaner. We told him the cops use it to keep their cruisers clean and shiny, and we wanted to clean our truck. The desk Sgt gave him a coffee cup, and told him it was stored in the kennel (for the police dogs) and to go collect it himself.

    I had an airman that was convinced he was manually sweeping the wings of a C-130. Made him do it twice. 150 cranks in. 150 cranks out. do it again. He was really hand cranking the flaps up and down. The wings don't sweep.

    I've confused a couple of young parts counter workers at the parts stores by asking for a radiator cap for my 1961 Volkwagen Beetle.
     
  16. jim1999

    jim1999 New Member

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    I had a DI try that on me in boot. (Grid Squares). I came back and handed him a 2 loaves of stale bread. Told him they were the new environmentally friendly grid squares.

    The DI wanted to bust my butt so bad but I did it in front of our battalion sgt maj who thought it was funny as hell and promised to bust every DI back to MEPS recruit if there were any reprisals.
     

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