thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers ect. I can't say its gotten easier the past 3 weeks just more regular i guess. It sounds weird but there are days where i feel ok as in i know it was the best thing for him ( to pass away in his sleep ) rather than suffer for months just deteriorating from cacer , then theres days where i almost feel like im having a panic attack / freaking out thinking "this can't be real" . i know that might sound crazy but thats how its been , im just trying to stay busy building a bike i bought a few months back and working on the house to stay busy. Jay & Lisa dodge dakota & jeep wrangler 97 coleman laredo "little wonderful"